you know how sometimes you are completely content with life and something happens that makes it feel like the floor just caved beneath you and you're getting closer and closer to smacking into the ground and there's nothing you can do to prevent the inevitable shattering of every bone in your body?
i went to florida with a thousand and one questions. now, i guess, i have answers. cody blew all of his money on things he couldn’t remember. we ate way too much, way too often. we talked about old times. we didn’t kill each other, but a few secrets slipped out. mostly though, he wants to be with me, too.
he doesn’t care that i almost never sleep enough or that even though i try so hard not to, i bite my fingernails. he doesn’t care that my brain is constantly on overdrive and he accepts it when i ask him the strangest questions at the worst times. he thinks it’s funny that i’m ticklish to the point of ridiculousness. he loves that i spend more time than is healthy watching movies. he just wants to be there with me to see all of these things. he wants fight over stupid things like how you lose your taste buds and what song i would pick if i could only have one. he wants to do the things your parents wish you wouldn’t. he wants to be the one who makes me smile like an idiot. he wants to be the only one who gets to do those things.
i love my zune. it’s a little red 4 gig that doesn’t hold nearly enough on it, but i love it. i’ve had it for two years and never had a problem. it’s stuck by me through some thick shit. it was there with me through the plane ride that left me sitting between two children with their mother yelling to them from up the aisle. it was with me when i got so mad that i put on my running shoes and ran until i could barely move. but, i’m thinking of buying a new zune. maybe a 16 gig. and hopefully, my baby won’t get too upset.
also, possibly getting my nose repierced tonight. fuck yeah.
I guess this is a list of all the books that she reads throughout the series, as well as books that are gifted to her, and books that she references, I think. I found it on a few different sites (check the links at the bottom).
* 1984 (George Orwell) * A Confederacy of Dunces (John…
i am a giant nerd, and i realize that. but this is my new favorite thing ever. i am going to read all of these.
in roughly 24 hours, i will be in fort walton beach, florida. in 2.5 hours, kristi will pick me up with all of the unnecessary things i packed. in 4.5 hours, we will pack up the two vehicles. garrett, cody, ben, jess and i will all squeeze into the car and kenzi, kristi, chelsea, dan and ashley will pile into the truck. we will drive 17 hours to our intended destination. we will throw our stuff on the floor of the condo and run to the beach. we’re always too impatient to do the things we should first.
going into this trip, i’m filled with questions. some not as serious as the others. will we blow all of our money on things we can’t even remember? will we eat too much and swear we’re going to be sick? will we laugh until we cry? will we remember that one time that the cops came and ben was sleeping in the bathroom? will we all get along? will the secrets in our so called “perfect” circle of friends come out? will we finally show how cracked and flawed we all really are? will i tell him i might love him? that he’s the only boy i’ve ever wanted this much? will i tell him that even though it scares the shit out of me, i want to be with him?
there is nothing better than taking an extremely hot shower, and then putting on your best friend’s hoodie and shorts. eventually, he will learn not to leave his clothes here. they’re too damn comfy to give back.
for my friends. after spending an entire night freezing my ass off, tossing and turning, and bruising from the rocks under the tent, i remembered why I DON’T LIKE CAMPING. i don’t like hearing bugs flying into the tent or waking up in the middle of the night because i have to pee. i don’t like it.
who’s to say that when i’m 80 years old, i’m going to regret getting tattoos? what makes anyone think they can decide that for me? so what if it doesn’t look that great anymore. so what if my skin wrinkles and my body art suffers. i don’t think i’ll regret any of it. it just shows where i was at that point in my life. it’s an experience i loved. it’s a piece of me that i don’t ever want to forget. it’s like having a memory i can never lose because it’s always with me. so no, i don’t think i’m going to regret my tattoos, auntie. take your disapproval somewhere else please. if my 60 year old conservative grandfather can accept it, so can you. agreed?
so today my mom was all, “you need to get your shit together.” and i was all, “yeah well i’m moving out soon.” and she was all, “doesn’t feel like it.” and i was all, “i’ll make it feel like it.”
okay, done being a valley girl. so that was basically the end of our argument. i just got done pulling all the posters down from my walls though, AND MY WALLS ARE SO NAKED! they are like, home-alone-just-got-out-of-the-shower-i-don’t-want-to-get-dressed naked. i don’t like it. i feel like the walls keep looking at me. LEAVE ME ALONE WALLS!
in other news, i would kill for a bowl of frosted flakes.
i have a bottle of whiskey and a handful of good friends. i just heard from an old friend who seemed to disappear. my sister will be home in a few days. i’m leaving with my best friend in a week. tomorrow is going to be filled with strangers and smoke. it’s going to be a good week.