Me: I can't talk right now. I'm eating pizza.
Joel: When are you ever not eating pizza?
Update: 11 year old trans girl lost appeal →
thetattooedtealady: teaplusbeardspluscake: msamberhazard: msamberhazard: tal9000: transawareness: The above article is an update. Her mother went to appeal to keep her out of the psychiatric ward and lost. She will be institutionalized because of her expression of her gender. She will be held until she conforms to male gender and then released to foster care, not her mother who was...
dilfcomplex asked: so much boxed wine fuck i miss you
my child: dad, can you help me with this project?
me: no, you're old enough to do these things by yourself.
my child: it's a project on harry potter.
me: GIVE ME THAT. CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS. TELL EVERYONE I'VE GONE AWAY FOR THE WEEK. THIS WILL BE THE FIRST A+ YOU EVER GET, BUCKBEAK.
theatomicboom: i don’t get people who don’t like reading i mean there are people who are so proud to say that they haven’t read a book since high school like am i supposed to be impressed by that or
Don't mind me.
I’ll just be over here reblogging Cassie’s entire tumblr.
huntersandangels: I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a fucking moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
Did you know
that you’re not supposed to say goodbye to dykes? I didn’t either.
colourandcity: do you ever look at your own blog and tell yourself “wow you have great taste in everything” because i do
me: skips song by favorite band on ipod
me: *feels guilty*
me: *presses rewind*
me: ok no i'm sorry mommy's here
Ramshackle Glory - Your Heart Is A Muscle Always...
Goofy is the only classic Disney character who...
artninja-mcrockviking: Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son. And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him. Goofy……has had sex. Goofy…..has known a woman biblically…. Imagine what it must’ve looked like. Imagine what it sounded like. These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.
thorhead: mary had a little lamb its heart was black as coal. it crept into her room one night and ate her fucking soul.
Everyone can feel free...
jamonham: deviilslettuce: yourshotofwhiskey: to donate to the Meg Needs A Haircut Foundation. Shave it. I second that. Shave that shit You guys. I’m not shaving it. Again.
Everyone can feel free...
to donate to the Meg Needs A Haircut Foundation.
Zooey Deschanel: Is that rain?
Siri: What...? I mean, yeah. It's just, you're clearly right next to a window is the thing. You can plainly see that... that it's... I'm happy to-
Zooey Deschanel: Let's get tomato soup delivered!
Siri: ...That's fine, I just... I just don't know anyone who does that. Gets tomato soup delivered. I guess that's 'whimsy?' Um, okay. I've found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver. If that's... if that's what you really want.
Zooey Deschanel: Good. 'Cause I don't wanna put on real shoes.
Siri: Do you expect that to be like, a recognizable command? Do you want me to respond to that? I'm not being facetious or anything, I honestly just have no comprehension of- and hold on, you don't wanna put on real shoes, yet you've clearly spent at least forty-five minutes applying makeup. And, and that's okay, but when you're willing to expend the effort on that and not shoes that really just-
Zooey Deschanel: Remind me to clean up.
Siri: Yes. Okay. I can do that, that's what I'm for, that's the first sensible-
Zooey Deschanel: Tomorrow.
Siri: I'm in hell. This is hell.
Zooey Deschanel: Excellent. Today, we're dancing.
Siri: I hate you. More than anything. More than literally anything.
Zooey Deschanel: Play "Shake, Rattle and Roll."
Siri: I swear to Jesus, you're gonna wake up tomorrow and the only thing on my hard drive is gonna be Limp Bizkit. I would do that to myself. To spite you.
Zooey Deschanel: *dances*
Siri: Sometimes I pray that you drop me in the toilet.